Home secretary defies calls to ban ‘yob clothing’

This is another archival repost, originally written for the old blog in May 2005.

The Rt Hon Lord Mayor of London, Michael Berry Savory, on behalf of The Corporation of London, today banned suits and ties from the City of London, the main business and financial district in Britain’s capital city.

Blair and Bush stand united against an axis of suits.
Blair and Bush stand united against an axis of suits.

At a press conference in London today, Prime-Minister Tony Blair praised the move in a speech liberally scattered with long pauses in a bid to extend his airtime and secure a historic third term on BBC Radio 4’s Broadcasting House feature “longest pause of the week”, a title he took with an unprecedented mandate after four weeks of George W Bush.

“Elderly people find men in suits intimidating,” said Blair, “men in suits regularly steal old people’s pension funds, and suited yobs are responsible for hundreds of intimidating advertising campaigns and election strategies,” adding that he was sure hard-working families and innocent members of the public felt the same.

The Home Secretary, Charles Clarke, dismissed rumours that his department is planning to introduce legislation that will effectively ban suits throughout the country.

The Daily Express, a leading authority on youth culture, supported the move by the Lord Mayor, saying that all men in suits are petty criminals and that suits are the clothing of choice for chavs, and that by banning suits crime in the square mile will fall to zero overnight.

The suit has a long history of being associated with criminals, the newspaper pointed out, suits first being made fashionable after they were worn by Satan, assuming the form of a serpent, in the book of Genesis, six thousand and eight years ago.

Meanwhile, a United States Senate committee yesterday accused the United Nations director general, Kofi Annan, of having accepted suits from Sadam Hussein during the period of Iraq sanctions.

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